I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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