these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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