Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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