the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
