promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
is it fun? or sober?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
