The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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