just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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