that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
