someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
