Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
