Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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