You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone signed my nipple.
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