if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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