its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
