This is not my ceiling
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
