is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Life is so much better after having sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
