You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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