so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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