This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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