If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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