fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
