I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
