You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
