I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
