I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
