When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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