Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
