She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
