Whod you bang
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
NoShamevember. You game?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
