Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
