O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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