I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
