You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
