Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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