There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
