its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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