In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
