Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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