Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
