I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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