shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
