So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
