he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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