I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
