i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
id be glad to
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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