so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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