Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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