The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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