The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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