she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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