we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
