I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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