Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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