Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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