Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Your cock deserves a montage
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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