Small penises have feelings too.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
