I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
