Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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