White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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