To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
