i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
