And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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