Say something about gay babies.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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