maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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