So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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