I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
