Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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