Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm both gender and math confused
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