Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
