now i know why i became what i already was.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
