remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
