you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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