i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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