so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
