We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
