i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
