i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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