from now on my penis is your penis
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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