he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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