I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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