so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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