Umm I'm too high to move.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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