Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Found the puke drawer
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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