Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
